Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
