Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
