I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
