Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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