every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
