just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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