Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
