The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
