I cannot find my penis.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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