i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
