Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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