Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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