you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
time to smoke my breakfast
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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