he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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