You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The struggles of a small town man whore
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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