We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
