i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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