people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
