I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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