remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
