you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
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I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
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well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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