I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
How external is "for external use only"?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
