butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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