I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
