can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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