1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
smell my finger.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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