At least make sure they are 18
Why
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
