at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
