Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
