you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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