omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
