Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize