Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
