My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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