He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
