At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
