nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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