remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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