I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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