party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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