Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
