Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
