I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
