everyone is single if you try hard enough
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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