I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
