So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Randomize
