There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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