I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
