I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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