Buhtt sex?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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