I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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