Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
