I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
