she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
