bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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