Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
