I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
