O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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