I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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