if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
