Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
