There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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