the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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