remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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