My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
