I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
