When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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