i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
