if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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