I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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