Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
