You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
