I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
