I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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