Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
